Quickies

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked
after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.

"No thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all."

As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful
satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife?" he asked.

"Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said.
"Please bring up a postcard."

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send
flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner
read the card. It said, "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the
florist to complain. He let the florist know in no uncertain terms how angry
he was about the obvious mistake.

The florist wisely diffused the man's anger when she calmly said, "Sir, I'm
really sorry for the mistake, but just imagine this ... somewhere there is a
funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,
"Congratulations on your new location!"

A man decides to take the opportunity while his
wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife
comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets
the seat stuck to her rear.

She is understandably distraught about this and
asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She
puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck
seat, and they go. When they get to the doctor's,
the man lifts his wife's coat to show their
predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever
seen anything like this before?"

"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."